Tuesday, November 14, 2006

A Bad Day for Guys in Biff's World

Originally uploaded by biffhumble69.
Today is a two-for-one special, again from an actual advice column:

Dear Biff:

Hypothetical situation: Let's say "Marcy" and "Dave" are a couple. Marcy loves Dave and thinks Dave loves her back, but unbeknownst to her, Dave doesn't and wants to break up. While he's trying to figure out how to tell her, Marcy's life hits some really hard times.
the question: Is it kinder for Dave to see her through the hard times, and break up with her after she's O.K. again? Or is it better to be honest and dump her now, while she's still dealing with her other problems.

Hypothetically, you sound like a real asshole, masquerading as a nice guy. When you say, "while he's trying to figure out how to tell her," I assume you mean, "while he's trying to find another piece of ass before he tells her." Now look at the mess your penis has gotten you into.

Dump her and get it over with, so she can find someone who deserves her, unlike you, you selfish bastard.

Dear Biff:

I'm a 26-year-old college student with a child from a relationship which ended three years ago. For the past two years, I have enjoyed a dream relationship that includes perfect chemistry and mutual respect and love. Unfortunately, my Dream Man has told me he doesn't see himself in the role of stepfather, so I am working up the courage to end it. Am I doomed to singlehood because I'm a mom? Do I have to seriously lower my standards if I want to get married? Am I nuts to end a relationship full of fun, great sex, and companionship?
- Saying Good-bye

Dear Good-bye:

What the hell is wrong with you? In case you didn't notice, you are a parent. That is your real life. You spent two years in a relationship with a guy who doesn't want to be a part of your real life? Hello? In what world does that relationship include "mutual respect and love"?

This loser is as bad as the selfish bastard in the last letter, only (to give him credit) more honest. Boot him to the curb fast, and start looking for a real man for whom "mutual love and respect" includes all of you - this includes the kid for which you are responsible during the coming 18 years.

And grow fucking up while you are at it, yourself. You are not a college student, you are a mother. Don't let the fact you attend college fool you. You no longer have anything in common with the society of sorority sluts with which you rub shoulders every day.

Need help with your relationship? Just ask Biff at biffhumble@redflagpublishing.com

For more of Biff's take on relationships, check out the web comic Beauty:Bullshit, The Red Flag Ratio at Red Flag Publishing's web site.

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