Dear Biff: My husband's a college professor, and the dean recently asked each faculty member to post a picture on their personal web site that is either of themselves, or represents them or their field of study. My husband chose Michelangelo's David, which has nothing to do with the classes he teaches. I'm worried that this is his subconscious way of admitting that he is bisexual. I can see no other reason why a heterosexual man would choose this image to represent himself. Should I be worried?
Dear Worried: You homophobic prude! Why can't you imagine any reason your husband would choose this image, other than that he might like to catch as well as pitch; that he might be a pole smoker; that he might like to golf the 19th hole; or that he might be fond of prison love? Because you are a closed-minded, mind-controlled, religous-righter who thinks the human body is something to be embarrassed about, methinks.
Oh, and by the way, your husband isn't bisexual, he's as queer as a summer day is long.
I hope this helps you.
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