Saturday, August 29, 2009
I'm smart and pretty, why don't men like me?
Back from his long absence, Biff has dug into the huge pile of letters seeking his advice:
I'm a 30-something woman who's been quite successful in life. I have a master's degree and a great job; I travel; I'm in great health and in perfect shape. People tell me I'm fun, smart, and pretty. I'm happy with all the aspects of my life except I can't seem to find love.
I've tried to meet men in a variety of places: in class, at work, through friends, at events, and online, and sometimes I'll get a couple dates. Then the guy wants casual sex, making it obvious he has no interest in a relationship with me. I'm left confused and am becoming bitter, because I really want a relationship.
It would seem that being an attractive, accomplished person would make a person good relationship material, but apparently that's not enough. I have met a lot of women who are not as nice, less funny, and less interesting who manage to find boyfriends. What can I do differently that will make guys want to be in a relationship with me?
Perkie in Pokipsee
You are correct, being an attractive, accomplished person would make a person good relationship material, but that's just not enough.
You also have to NOT be a self-centered, egotistical bitch who thinks of others as "not as nice, less funny, and less interesting" than herself.
We at Red Flag Publishing have developed a theory to explain this to the clueless women who need to buy books such as "He's Just Not that Into You." We call it the Beauty:Bullshit ratio. It works this way: every man is willing to put up with a certain level of bullshit in order to obtain a steady source of sex.
There is a direct correlation between the beauty of the piece he is tapping and the level of bullshit a man is willing to put up with. A smokin' hot supermodel can be pretty much batshit crazy and still find someone with which to be in a relationship. But, even then, sometimes it gets too much and, although men all over the world shake their heads in disbelief, some guy actually breaks up with a supermodel.
You can't help but look at that situation, and wonder what kind of crazy is wrapped up in that slinky black dress.
So, our guess is that either you are not nearly as attractive as you believe, or it's obvious to men that there is a whole lotta crazy emanating from you.
We are guessing it's the latter, since the men you date are willing to have casual sex with you, but not subject themselves to a relationship with you. After all, it can be kinda fun tapping the crazy ones. As long as you don't do something stupid, like fall asleep before she does.
I hope this helps,
p.s. If you'd like to knock off a quick one, email me.
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